Alex Read online

  The soft sound of footsteps reached him just as he sat up. Finn looked around and groaned when the sudden movement made his head throb alarmingly.

  Alex was crossing the floor from the direction of the kitchen, two steaming cups in hand. He was barefoot and dressed in ripped jeans and a T-shirt, his wet hair catching the sunlight.

  The smell of freshly brewed coffee struck Finn’s nose. His stomach rumbled. For some reason, finding Alex’s note last night had made him lose his appetite and he’d ended up not having dinner.

  Well I did, kinda. It was a liquid one.

  Alex wordlessly offered him one of the cups.

  “Thanks,” Finn murmured.

  Alex turned and took a seat in the armchair opposite the couch. Finn studied him curiously while he took a cautious sip of his coffee. Alex was looking at him with a strange expression. Finn blinked.

  He almost looks…angry.

  “How’s your head?” Alex asked in a conversational tone.

  Finn grimaced. “Terrible.”

  A hard smile curved Alex’s lips. “Good.”

  Finn stared. “That’s a pretty shitty thing to say to someone who has a hangover.”

  Alex leaned back in the armchair, crossed his right leg atop his left knee, and took a leisurely sip of his coffee. “Yeah, well, it’s payback for last night.”

  Finn frowned. “What do you mean?”

  Alex smiled humorlessly. “I mean it’s payback for having to drag your sorry, unconscious ass out of your studio all the way here just so you wouldn’t sleep on a cold stone floor.”

  Something in Alex’s eyes made Finn’s stomach flutter with a bout of nervousness. Though he couldn’t recollect what exactly had happened last night, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d said or done something to piss Alex off.

  “I’m sorry,” Finn murmured. “The last thing I remember is heading in there with a bottle of whiskey.” He made a face. “I didn’t realize I was so drunk.”

  Surprise flashed in Alex’s eyes for a moment, as if he hadn’t expected the apology. Remorse twisted through Finn once more.

  Shit. He really thinks I’m an asshole, doesn’t he? Finn fought back a sigh. Well, considering how I’ve been avoiding him lately, I can’t really blame him.

  “So, you’re saying you have no recollection of what you did?”

  Finn’s knuckles whitened on his drink at Alex’s accusing tone. “What—” He paused and swallowed uneasily. Something told him he didn’t want to hear what Alex was going to say next. “What did I do?”

  Alex watched him for a silent moment. “You smashed one of your sculptures.”

  Finn winced. “I did?”

  “Yeah. It was the one you were working on.”

  “Oh.” Embarrassment flared through Finn. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “I’ve been stuck on that piece for a while. It’s probably a good thing I broke it. I can start over again.”

  Alex gazed at him steadily. “You also made a mess of the rest of your studio.”

  Finn sighed. “Nothing too irreversible, I hope?”

  Alex shook his head.

  Relief flooded Finn. “Was that all?”

  “No. That was just the opening act.”

  Tension gripped Finn all over again.

  “The humdinger was when you pushed me against the wall and kissed me,” Alex said. “Very thoroughly, I might add.”

  A ringing noise started in Finn’s ears. He stared unblinkingly at Alex above the sound of blood suddenly rushing through his head, unsure if he’d just heard the shocking words the other man had just uttered.

  “What did you just say?” Finn mumbled.

  “I said you kissed me!” Alex snapped. “Forcefully.”

  “That’s impossible!” Finn blurted out. “I’m—I’m not gay!”

  Alex’s eyes turned a stormy blue. “Your erection said otherwise.”

  The room shifted dizzyingly around Finn. His heartbeat echoed loudly in his ears as he gazed at the man opposite him. The man whose accusing words had just turned his entire world upside down.

  “My—my erection?” he said hoarsely.

  A frown wrinkled Alex’s brow. “Jesus, you’ve gone as pale as a ghost. There’s no need to look so fucking disgusted.” He uncrossed his legs and put his cup on the side table next to him with a thunk. “So, you kissed a guy and got hard,” he snorted. “It’s not the end of the world.”

  “I’m impotent,” Finn said numbly.

  Alex went still as Finn’s confession reverberated around the lounge.

  “What?” he said in a stunned voice.

  “I’m impotent,” the man opposite him repeated.

  Finn’s cup trembled in his grip. He put it on the floor next to him and clasped his knees to stop the tremors, the tormented expression from last night pasted across his face once more.

  “I—” Finn stopped and closed his eyes briefly, a muscle dancing in his cheek. “I can’t get hard. Catherine and I—” He rubbed a hand across his face. “We barely had a sex life. We slept in the same bed but I could never satisfy her. Sexually.”

  Alex stared. He could tell Finn was being deadly serious. No one could look so racked with shame and guilt and be faking it.

  Something’s not right here. He was definitely aroused last night.

  “Were you diagnosed as impotent?” Alex said, intrigued.

  “I didn’t need to be,” Finn replied awkwardly. “I was in love with Catherine. Had been for a long time. We were childhood sweethearts.” A nostalgic expression danced across his face. “We got married pretty young.”

  Alex had deliberately not quizzed Izzy about Finn’s past beyond what she’d revealed to him on their wedding day. As far as he was concerned, Finn’s previous marriage was none of his business.

  But what had happened in the studio last night had changed Alex’s feelings on the matter. However much Finn wanted to deny it, he’d kissed and responded to Alex.

  “When did you realize you were impotent?” Alex asked curiously.

  Color stained Finn’s cheekbones at the direct question. He hesitated.

  “On our wedding night. We’d kissed and fooled around when we were dating, but we’d both decided to wait until we got married to have sex.”

  Alex pursed his lips. “That’s pretty old-fashioned in this day and age.”

  Finn remained silent.

  Alex rested his elbows on his knees, propped his chin on the back of his knuckles, and studied Finn thoughtfully.

  Finn practically squirmed where he sat under Alex’s intent stare.

  “And you’ve never gotten hard?” Alex said, aware he was grilling Finn as he were a witness on the stand. “For anyone else?”

  “There’s never been anyone else,” Finn admitted.

  Alex arched an eyebrow. “What about handjobs?”

  Finn’s eyes rounded. “We’re not having this conversation!” he spluttered.

  Alex smiled faintly. “I’m going to choose to interpret that as a yes.”

  Finn scowled, grabbed the glass of water by his feet, and gulped it down in one go.

  A filthy vision danced through Alex’s mind as he watched Finn’s Adam’s apple bob up and down. He swallowed a groan.

  Now’s really not the time to be getting turned on, Hancock.

  Finn finished his drink and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, oblivious to Alex’s dirty musings.

  “You can interpret it as you like,” he declared haughtily. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go have a shower.”

  Alex’s smile widened as he watched Finn head up the stairs.

  Despite Finn’s painful confession just now, he couldn’t help but feel a small buzz of excitement. Life with Finn West was about to get interesting. Because, whether Finn liked it or not, he had most definitely been aroused last night.

  Besides, no one can kiss like that and not mean it.

  Chapter 8

  Finn frowned at the block of clay on th
e modeling table in front of him. It had been two days since he’d put the blasted thing there and he was still no further along on what he wanted to do with it. He rubbed a hand across the back of his neck and sighed for what felt like the tenth time that morning.

  He knew damn well the reason why he couldn’t concentrate. The cause of his distraction was five foot nine, had blond hair, blue eyes, and a perfectly-shaped, sassy mouth. Finn grimaced.

  A mouth I apparently kissed. Thoroughly, according to him.

  His ears warmed at that thought. He still couldn’t believe that he’d pushed Alex against the wall and practically attacked him. He’d never done anything like that to anyone in his life, including Catherine.

  A bittersweet feeling washed over Finn as he looked over at the picture on the shelf, the only one he’d kept of the two of them after her death.

  He had truly loved Catherine. And she had been head over heels in love with him too. He knew she’d been devastated when he couldn’t consummate their marriage on their very first night together. Although they’d eventually managed to have sex after a fashion, it wasn’t the way she’d wanted to be with him, physically. He’d been able to pleasure Catherine with his hands and mouth, but never with his body.

  Catherine had never blamed him for the fact that he was impotent. After trying to get him to see a specialist for the first few years of their marriage, she had quietly resigned herself to his condition, just as he had. As far as Finn had been concerned, not being able to have sex with the woman he loved wasn’t something that could be cured.

  It was when he’d finally agreed to her wish to get pregnant and accompanied her on one of her appointments to a private IVF clinic in L.A. that they’d discovered she had cancer. Finn would never forget that awful day for as long as he lived. The despair he’d felt at the knowledge that he would soon lose Catherine. Her own heartrending anguish at not being able to bear them a child. The irrevocable fact that had he agreed to her demand sooner, she might have been diagnosed earlier.

  Still, Catherine had never complained. Not once. Not even at the very end of her long illness. That, above everything else, was what Finn hated himself the most for.

  That Catherine had never allowed herself to openly mourn. To grieve their abject marriage and his failure as her husband. To cry over the knowledge that she would never get pregnant.

  Finn frowned.

  Alex must be wrong. There’s no way I could have become aroused just from kissing him. Not when I couldn’t get hard for my own wife.

  Unfortunately, there was only one way to test the truth of Alex’s statement. And that was to kiss him again.

  Finn clenched his jaw. The thing was, kissing Alex was all he’d been able to think about since the morning he’d made his agonizing disclosure to the man about the state of his marriage to Catherine. Luckily for him, the lawyer had been busy visiting office rentals in town for the last two days and was rarely at home. Which meant he probably hadn’t noticed how Finn had been surreptitiously looking at his lips and wondering what they would feel like under his.

  “I bet they’re soft,” Finn mumbled to himself.

  He groaned. Jesus, I can’t believe I just said that out loud!

  “You bet what’s soft?” someone said behind him.

  Finn startled and turned around so fast he almost fell off his stool.

  Izzy blinked at him from where she stood in the doorway of the studio.

  Finn let out an exasperated sigh. “Have you heard of knocking?”

  “I did.” Izzy strolled inside the room, a frown wrinkling her brow. “What’s the matter? You look, I don’t know—” she waved a vague hand in the air, “kinda distracted.”

  “It’s nothing,” Finn muttered. “Why are you here?”

  “We had a meeting.” Izzy dropped her bag on a worktop and eyed him suspiciously. “Seriously, what’s wrong? You never forget our appointments.”

  “Like I said, it’s nothing,” Finn repeated, trying hard not to let the guilt he was feeling color his voice. He couldn’t very well tell Izzy that he’d spent the last two days fantasizing about kissing one of her closest friends. “I’m sorry, it completely slipped my mind. Give me a minute and I’ll get the stuff ready.”

  Izzy glanced at the virgin block of clay on the modeling table. “I thought you were already working on something.”

  “I was. It didn’t pan out.”

  Izzy raised an eyebrow. “That’s unusual.”

  “Blame it on a bad week,” Finn said in a deliberately evasive tone. And a guy with blue eyes and a mouth I really want to kiss.

  He blinked at that sudden illicit thought.

  Wait. Am I thinking of kissing him because I want to see if he was right or because I…I want to?!

  “Why don’t I make us some coffee?” Izzy suggested, oblivious to the startling question blazing through Finn’s mind.

  Finn nodded, grateful for the interruption. Remorse filled him when he noted the anxious light in Izzy’s eyes.

  I’m just tired. There’s no way I want to kiss Alex. He might be gay, but I’m definitely not.

  Chapter 9

  Alex parked his Triumph next to Finn’s Jeep and studied the red Mini on the drive with a faint frown. He hadn’t realized Izzy was coming to the house today.

  A rumble of conversation reached him when he entered the vestibule. Izzy’s bubbly laughter echoed from the direction of the kitchen. Alex put his bag down and followed the sound. He slowed to a stop just inside the doorway of the kitchen.

  Finn and Izzy stood at the modern black range on the other side of the island. They had their backs to him and were talking in relaxed voices while they stirred a couple of steaming pans.

  Something twisted inside Alex’s chest as he gazed at them.

  They look like a couple.

  He must have made a noise for Izzy turned and spotted him.

  “Hey, hot stuff.” She smiled, unaware of the green-eyed monster that had just stirred inside him. “Guess what? I taught Finn how to make my mamma’s spaghetti bolognaise. You two will no longer starve like the sorry little lambs that you are.”

  Alex’s stomach rumbled as his nose finally registered the delicious smells wafting through the room.

  “Alex’s a pretty good cook.” Finn studied Alex with an inscrutable expression. “And our housekeeper’s been making some of our meals.”

  “No one beats my Kung Pao chicken,” Alex said lightly. He accepted the glass of champagne Izzy poured him and leaned against a countertop. “So, what’s the occasion?” He indicated the open bottle on the island with a curious tilt of his head.

  Izzy’s face lit up with excitement. “Finn has an art exhibition coming up in L.A. It’s in two months. The whole town’s already talking about it!”

  Finn grimaced. “Calling the L.A. art world the whole town is a bit of an exaggeration, Izz.”

  Alex noted the affectionate diminutive with another twinge. He masked a frown of irritation at the resentment that had surged through him.

  Jesus, I’m acting as if he’s cheating on me or something!

  “Nonsense,” Izzy said dismissively. “The turnout is gonna be awesome. I’m already putting the guest list together. And we’ll even have an A-list movie star spearheading the whole show!”

  Finn raised his eyebrows. “An A-list movie star?”

  Alex sighed when he observed the devilish glint in Izzy’s eyes. “Let me guess. You twisted Carter’s arm?”

  Finn looked between the two of them, puzzled. “Who’s Carter?”

  “Carter Wilson.” Alex took a sip of his drink. “He’s a childhood friend of ours.”

  Finn’s eyes widened. “The Carter Wilson? As in the guy who’s been headlining most of the blockbuster movies these past three years? The actor who just won an Oscar for his role in that WWII film that had all the critics in tears?”

  “The very one.” Izzy arched an eyebrow, her expression dry. “Jeez, Finn, I didn’t think you’d know who he wa
s.”

  Finn rolled his eyes. “I’m not a complete Luddite.”

  Izzy grinned. “Anyhow, Carter owes me one.”

  Alex narrowed his eyes at her accusingly. “You mean, you blackmailed him, didn’t you?”

  Izzy beamed, her expression angelic.

  “What do you mean?” Finn muttered.

  “Izzy sneaked into the boys’ locker room when we were in high school and took a picture of Carter’s naked ass,” Alex explained in a disgruntled tone. “She’s been holding that picture over his head ever since that day.”

  Finn looked appropriately shocked. “That’s terrible!”

  “Ah, it’s all in jest,” Izzy protested with a wave of her hand. “Besides, Carter knows it’s an empty threat. Mostly.” A saucy grin curved her lips. “And, let’s face it, the guy’s exposed more than just his ass on the big screen since.”

  Alex chuckled while Finn shook his head in exasperation.

  Dinner ended up being a fun affair despite Alex’s earlier misgivings. Having Izzy there as a buffer meant he and Finn could have a normal conversation again.

  Alex knew the incident in the studio was still weighing on Finn’s mind. Although he’d wanted nothing more than to test his growing theory about Finn’s sexuality, he’d deliberately stayed out of the artist’s way since the morning he’d told him about their kiss and had kept himself busy finalizing the rental agreement of his new office in town. As luck would have it, the place he’d chosen was around the corner from Hunter’s sports apparel shop and he’d gone out with his friend a couple of times for coffee and lunch to keep himself distracted.

  Izzy picked up her bag an hour later and made to leave.

  “Can I leave you boys to take care of the washing up? I told Wyatt I’d be home before midnight.”

  “Sure thing,” Alex murmured. The champagne had melted his tension away and he was feeling mellow. He patted his stomach. “Once we can move, that is. Your mamma’s spaghetti bolognese is as lethal as I remember it being. I very rarely have third helpings of anything.”